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I'm Not Supposed To Be Here [Feb. 23rd, 2007|12:15 am]

Why does it have to be like this? I can't wait to escape from this hell. I praise the man that said "life isn't easy". He definitely knew his shit. I already figured out the solution, however there are so many obstacles preventing me. I finally deciephered the premise for this black cloud. It has been following ever since her arrival. I just wish it did not have to bring so much collatoral. I'm weak from pain and suffering. The worst part is nobody understands me. It's too simple here. People don't know how to handle themselves. Everybody wants to be known. Everybody wants to be rich. Everybody wants to be happy. I guess when the world is black and white you only have two choices. Too bad you had to pick the wrong one. Which causes you to debate the word wrong. Wrong may fault on either party. What is wrong for me may be right for you. In this case however what is wrong for me is truelly right for me. The only one wronged here was you. I wish you could understand my message. You are blinded by anger. The communication is dispersed amongst the fog. One day you might solve the puzzle. By that time I will be gone. Lost forever. I promised I would wait for you but this burden is too great. You let a pebble become a stone and a stone become a rock. Now we cannot climb over this mountain. I release a sigh of sorrow as open my vision to the west. My eyes glisten with the hope of a better tommarow. I am moving on to achieve the happiness we seek. Sorry, I had to leave you behind. You know I never wanted that. I will carry you along. A sweet memory of mine. An illusion of love and what will come. Do not be dissapointed when you end up as decieved as I. You forgot how to be a friend. That was the biggest lost of them all. Now we carry on alone. With only the lord as a guide. Just see through the sin and hate. Live your life for love and glory.

ready dipset, bitch

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Random Update. [Sep. 18th, 2005|11:23 pm]
Just in case anybody still reads this wonder-wall called a livejournal, I think I might start updating it more often. I'm in a pretty gay mood right now thanks to work. Oversized sections = the sucks. I'm also kind of disgusted in my behaviour lately. Things are changing in my life and I have no idea what I want anymore. There are a few girls who are literally throwing themselves all over me and I don't know how to figure everything out. I wish there was some way I could just leave for a week or two and clear my mind, but my understaffed job and full-time student obligations prevent me from experiencing much needed alleviation. Somebody please come rescue me!

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(no subject) [Jul. 15th, 2005|01:11 pm]
I'm hungry. I need a job. Preferably a tedious job that pays well yet involves an abundance of sitting and doing nothing. That way I can do my homework and play PSP. I need my old job back. Those bastards.

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Depressing [Jul. 10th, 2005|02:36 pm]
This sucks donkey dung. I hate it when somebody close to you is hurting themselves. I hate it even more when somebody close to you is hurting themselves because of something that you said. I hate it when there is nothing you can do about it no matter how hard you try.
The midsummer depression. This summer has been alright. For some reason it just seems like a repeat of last summer. I haven't really been in a good mood lately either. I think I just need some new friends or something more productive to do with my time.


P.S. Don't look too far into this. Also I don't hate you if I don't answer your calls. I'm just in a very apathetic state right now.
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Nigga ask about me [May. 11th, 2005|12:09 am]
Today I reckon I will enlighten the world on a little tale I once heard. An old man in my head told me this:
By the works of gods graces he endowed us with a grace period between fall and spring. He called this new season summer. During summer things change a little bit. During the previous years before summer, people would locate themselves within their dwellings and do their homework. Perhaps they may decide that traversing to some fancy university in order to study a whole lot of information one could research for free on the internet is a good idea. No matter how hard they tried to avoid it, they found themselves down on their knee caps giving the university thousands of hard earned taxed dollars. What a life it was. After summer was created... things began to change. The hellfire's of... hell... were so ripe and vibrant in this season that the temperatures exceeded that of the homosapiens heat comfort zone. Mexicans began sweating a lot more and soon the whole damned world wreaked of the devil. God was not satisfied. He had to find someway to balance some good with all the evil. God then created the two piece bathing suit... and the gym. Overnight the world was revolutionized. Women found their way out of their houses and on the beach. The guys followed. The world evolved rapidly, advancing from year to year. Over this epoch of evolution, people began to do stuff that would only happen a couple times during the rest of the year. People had parties that were not on weekends. Wine and spirits were massively consumed from coast to coast. People bought gym memberships and bitches would buy sexy bathing suits. The government was formed to make money off all of this. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson were born and made the world a much cuter place. It almost seemed as if god created summer to invite humans to sin.
Reflecting on this tale of strife and squander made me wonder...

But why would god do that?

Then god answered:
"You only have one life so you better do it right. Now that summer is slowly creeping back into effect it is up to you to exploit it and manipulate it to cater to your best wishes and wildest dreams."

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Bored [Apr. 15th, 2005|11:29 am]
(X) been drunk
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(X) ridden in a taxi
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(x) been fired
(X) snuck out
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
( ) ever dated someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) lied to a friend
(X) had a crush on a teacher
(x) celebrated mardi-gras in new Orleans
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
(x) slept with a co-worker
( ) cut yourself on purpose
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die in real life
( ) been to Africa
( ) Slapped someone you love
( ) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival
( ) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(X) Been on a plane
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Thrown up in a bar
(x) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(X) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) Been moshing at a show
( ) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(X) gone to college
( ) graduated college
() taken painkillers
(X) miss someone right now
(x) went to prom
( ) Bungee jumped
(x) have been to a pop concert
( ) have dated someone for a year or more
( ) sold naked pictures of yourself
(X) been in a car accident
(X) Slept in the nude
(x) eaten cheesecake
( ) had jury duty
( ) hated someone without knowing them
( ) been to Maine
(x) shot a real gun
(x) had sex with someone within a week of meeting them
(x) made out with someone within 5 days of meeting them
( ) done ecstasy
( ) gotten your ass kicked
(x) been caught smoking
( ) milked a cow
(x) got in a verbal fight
( ) lied one time in this survey
(x) Threw a party at a friends house when they were gone
( ) Done something w/ a friends bf/gf
(x) Done something with a friends sibling
(x) Committed a major crime
(x) Dated someone older than you are
(x) Dated someone younger than you are
(x) Gotten in trouble w/ the cops
( ) Run away
( ) Ever given someone a hicky
( ) Ever gotten a hicky
(x) Ever got super drunk
(x) Went skinny dipping
(X) Lied about where you're going
(X) Ever lied about your age
(x) Ever been pantsed
( ) Had mono.
( ) taken a shower with a member of the opposite sex
(x) had sex for more than 2 hours.

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(no subject) [Apr. 9th, 2005|11:40 am]
01. Jeff
02. The Barron
03. HOV!

01. I'm full of laaaaaaughs
02. my body is in dandy shape
03. I'm rich bitch

01. I drink to no occasion
02. I for some reason cannot find a girl worth dating in annapolis
03. I should be in jail right now...

01. Norway
02. German
03. many many others but most importantly Czech Republic

01. Space-Time continuum
02. what is "wrong with me"
03. japanese

01. people who fake
02. wasting gas... its like 5 dollars a gallon almost
03. beat town USA

01. powder

01. food
02. gym
03. swed

01. my little ass room has no desk

01. this is beat
02. holler bitch
03. it's YOOOUUU

01. find a bitch
02. invade cuba
03. eat my parents

01. basketball
02. swed
03. video games

01. my fuckin car already for petes sake
02. millions of dollars
03. your sister

01. accountant
02. crack addict
03. mcdonalds crew

01. new orleans
02. costa rica
03. hawaii

01. get rich
02. get married
03. train my children to take over the world

That is all...
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Annapolis... [Mar. 31st, 2005|12:11 am]
Why on earth did I end up back here? What the fuck is keeping me here? Maybe I really do need to get away from here. I don't know what it is but even compared to the lifestyle in New Orleans, it just seems like stuff here is not right and probabaly just as corrupt as New Orleans. I've been living pretty good thought minus the lack of parties. All I do is play basketball and go to the gyms. Drink some spirits here and there and am kicking it always. For some reason I feel really depressed right now. Something is missing in my life. Well actually it's not even that, everything is missing from my life. Sure I have my friends, my body, and my money, but if that's all I wanted in life I'd be a pretty selfish motherfucker. I'm just waiting for something more in my life. I feel like I'm in ground-hogs day. It just seems like everything is played out even though times are changing. Other things are bothering me too. Stuff about myself that I never realized and now feel kind of bad about myself. It's all good. In a year I will be well on my way to a different place to see if I can find hapiness there. Hopefully I can find it here in the meantime however.

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I sweat this swoll bittie named pattie [Mar. 3rd, 2005|02:10 am]
Birthday:4 twenty 1
Current Location:....Naptown
Eye Color:Hazel
Hair Color:Brizown
Height:5' 10"ish
Right Handed or Left Handed:right
Your Heritage:I come from an ancient tribe of indians who used to play poker betting baby fetusi and toenail clippings. I guess in modern days this tribe would be considered homeless erectus
The Shoes You Wore Today:Some white ones. Not my crashed kobes
Your Weakness:Those gay shows on MTV like Borrow my Crew and Pimp my Ride. No what about Sweet 16. Gaaaaaay. That and not being able to react on my feelings when I need to.
Your Fears:I'm not really scared of anything. Well I do fear powder, but besides him this world is a jolly place
Your Perfect Pizza:Well it wouldn't be a pizza but like a pizza box. Whenever you close it and reopen it, whatever pizza you want is right there and somehow fresh out of the oven. I'd call that the "Magical George Foreman Pizza Box"
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Buy a new car or pimp my ride... hopefully the first
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:hi
Thoughts First Waking Up:Well I look at my clock and then realize my clock is not on the right time at all and fall back asleep
Your Best Physical Feature:I would have to go with that area behind your ears. You know the one grandma always told you to wash. Fucking right I washed it!
Your Bedtime:Whenever I can fall asleep
Your Most Missed Memory:Loving somebody
Pepsi or Coke:I like Dr. Rocket
MacDonalds or Burger King:Wendy's son. Why these surveys trying to hate?
Single or Group Dates:Depends. Group dates are fun when you don't really know the people but then you move onto single ones
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Long Island Ice Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:Hmm..... that's and impossible question to answer
Cappuccino or Coffee:Frap. Duh... what do you think I get on java and pastrie dates? Well I just thought I'd drop this note in your lunchbox. Call me back.
Do you Smoke:Only the stickiest... rocks!
Do you Swear:Only when I crap my pants sitting on the city bus.
Do you Sing:410 - Improv... Beckna... Freestyle... Exclusive shit. Ok... no not really... but I did vocals on a CD.
Do you Shower Daily:Lol what am I some sort of clean freak? I usually shower every 3,000 miles just like the instructions say.
Have you Been in Love:yes
Do you want to go to College:Yea I'm going back
Do you want to get Married:Yea
Do you belive in yourself:"Who do you believe in? I put my faith in god, bless I'm still breathing. And even tho it's hard, that's who I believe. Tell me... who do you believe in?".... ok yes I do.
Do you get Motion Sickness:Not anymore
Do you think you are Attractive:I'm attractive as shit
Are you a Health Freak:Hahahaa no
Do you get along with your Parents:Not right now...
Do you like Thunderstorms:Yeah... theyre the best for almost any situation
Do you play an Instrument:Halo machine
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:... nope...never... sike yeah
In the past month have you Smoked:Yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs:Mainly LCD and heroine. It's a nice vacation from the painkillers and cocaine
In the past month have you gone on a Date:No
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:I wish... I want some
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:Yea, but it was crappy C-store sushi. Now that I'm back in naptown I'm ready get some crucial shit
In the past month have you been on Stage:Naw
In the past month have you been Dumped:Naw
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:Yes
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:No
Ever been Drunk:Once my grandfather gave me a baby bottle full of moonshine instead of milke when he was watching me at the young age of 3. Mother got angry with me because I broke open my rattle and ate all the colorful rattly noise making beads that were inside of it. Now to mention I got an alcohol citation. I've been attending AA ever since.
Ever been called a Tease:I guess... obviously by ugly bitches who i'm really trying to whoar but just percieve it as teasing
Ever been Beaten up:Only by cops
Ever Shoplifted:I reckon that's quite a feat
How do you want to Die:I dunno. Let me watch 1,000 of the most gangster movies ever and get back to you on that one.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Independently Wealthy. Entrepenuer
What country would you most like to Visit:Amsterdam
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Sapphire or Emerald.... aaahahaahah
Favourite Hair Color:Blonde with a bangin tan
Short or Long Hair:Long
Height:between 5'5 and 6'
Weight:Somebody that weighs less than I do by at least 15 pounds
Best Clothing Style:Sexy. But then again sexy bitches don't need sexy clothing to be sexy. But a sexy bitch in sexy clothing is my kinda bitch.
Number of Drugs I have taken:1
Number of CDs I own:I dunno... I just got the new 50 cent a couple days ago. What it comes out tommarow? That's right bitches... I'm in G-unit
Number of Piercings:93
Number of Tattoos:none...yet
Number of things in my Past I Regret:too many to count


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Haters [Feb. 10th, 2005|07:07 pm]
You're as cold as ice
The world ain't your sacrifice

Fuck You

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