Why does it have to be like this? I can't wait to escape from this hell. I praise the man that said "life isn't easy". He definitely knew his shit. I already figured out the solution, however there are so many obstacles preventing me. I finally deciephered the premise for this black cloud. It has been following ever since her arrival. I just wish it did not have to bring so much collatoral. I'm weak from pain and suffering. The worst part is nobody understands me. It's too simple here. People don't know how to handle themselves. Everybody wants to be known. Everybody wants to be rich. Everybody wants to be happy. I guess when the world is black and white you only have two choices. Too bad you had to pick the wrong one. Which causes you to debate the word wrong. Wrong may fault on either party. What is wrong for me may be right for you. In this case however what is wrong for me is truelly right for me. The only one wronged here was you. I wish you could understand my message. You are blinded by anger. The communication is dispersed amongst the fog. One day you might solve the puzzle. By that time I will be gone. Lost forever. I promised I would wait for you but this burden is too great. You let a pebble become a stone and a stone become a rock. Now we cannot climb over this mountain. I release a sigh of sorrow as open my vision to the west. My eyes glisten with the hope of a better tommarow. I am moving on to achieve the happiness we seek. Sorry, I had to leave you behind. You know I never wanted that. I will carry you along. A sweet memory of mine. An illusion of love and what will come. Do not be dissapointed when you end up as decieved as I. You forgot how to be a friend. That was the biggest lost of them all. Now we carry on alone. With only the lord as a guide. Just see through the sin and hate. Live your life for love and glory.
Just in case anybody still reads this wonder-wall called a livejournal, I think I might start updating it more often. I'm in a pretty gay mood right now thanks to work. Oversized sections = the sucks. I'm also kind of disgusted in my behaviour lately. Things are changing in my life and I have no idea what I want anymore. There are a few girls who are literally throwing themselves all over me and I don't know how to figure everything out. I wish there was some way I could just leave for a week or two and clear my mind, but my understaffed job and full-time student obligations prevent me from experiencing much needed alleviation. Somebody please come rescue me!
I'm hungry. I need a job. Preferably a tedious job that pays well yet involves an abundance of sitting and doing nothing. That way I can do my homework and play PSP. I need my old job back. Those bastards.
This sucks donkey dung. I hate it when somebody close to you is hurting themselves. I hate it even more when somebody close to you is hurting themselves because of something that you said. I hate it when there is nothing you can do about it no matter how hard you try. The midsummer depression. This summer has been alright. For some reason it just seems like a repeat of last summer. I haven't really been in a good mood lately either. I think I just need some new friends or something more productive to do with my time.
P.S. Don't look too far into this. Also I don't hate you if I don't answer your calls. I'm just in a very apathetic state right now.
Today I reckon I will enlighten the world on a little tale I once heard. An old man in my head told me this: By the works of gods graces he endowed us with a grace period between fall and spring. He called this new season summer. During summer things change a little bit. During the previous years before summer, people would locate themselves within their dwellings and do their homework. Perhaps they may decide that traversing to some fancy university in order to study a whole lot of information one could research for free on the internet is a good idea. No matter how hard they tried to avoid it, they found themselves down on their knee caps giving the university thousands of hard earned taxed dollars. What a life it was. After summer was created... things began to change. The hellfire's of... hell... were so ripe and vibrant in this season that the temperatures exceeded that of the homosapiens heat comfort zone. Mexicans began sweating a lot more and soon the whole damned world wreaked of the devil. God was not satisfied. He had to find someway to balance some good with all the evil. God then created the two piece bathing suit... and the gym. Overnight the world was revolutionized. Women found their way out of their houses and on the beach. The guys followed. The world evolved rapidly, advancing from year to year. Over this epoch of evolution, people began to do stuff that would only happen a couple times during the rest of the year. People had parties that were not on weekends. Wine and spirits were massively consumed from coast to coast. People bought gym memberships and bitches would buy sexy bathing suits. The government was formed to make money off all of this. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson were born and made the world a much cuter place. It almost seemed as if god created summer to invite humans to sin. Reflecting on this tale of strife and squander made me wonder...
But why would god do that?
Then god answered: "You only have one life so you better do it right. Now that summer is slowly creeping back into effect it is up to you to exploit it and manipulate it to cater to your best wishes and wildest dreams."
(X) been drunk ( ) kissed a member of the same sex ( ) crashed a friend's car ( ) been to Japan (X) ridden in a taxi (x) been in love (x) been dumped (x) shoplifted (x) been fired (X) snuck out ( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex ( ) ever dated someone of the same sex (x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (x) lied to a friend (X) had a crush on a teacher (x) celebrated mardi-gras in new Orleans ( ) been to Europe (x) skipped school (x) slept with a co-worker ( ) cut yourself on purpose ( ) been married ( ) gotten divorced ( ) had children ( ) seen someone die in real life ( ) been to Africa ( ) Slapped someone you love ( ) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival ( ) Been to Canada (x) Been to Mexico (X) Been on a plane ( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show (x) Thrown up in a bar (x) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire (X) Eaten Sushi (x) Been snowboarding (x) Met someone in person from the internet ( ) Been moshing at a show ( ) had real feelings for someone you knew only online (X) gone to college ( ) graduated college () taken painkillers (X) miss someone right now (x) went to prom ( ) Bungee jumped (x) have been to a pop concert ( ) have dated someone for a year or more ( ) sold naked pictures of yourself (X) been in a car accident (X) Slept in the nude (x) eaten cheesecake ( ) had jury duty ( ) hated someone without knowing them ( ) been to Maine (x) shot a real gun (x) had sex with someone within a week of meeting them (x) made out with someone within 5 days of meeting them ( ) done ecstasy ( ) gotten your ass kicked (x) been caught smoking ( ) milked a cow (x) got in a verbal fight ( ) lied one time in this survey (x) Threw a party at a friends house when they were gone ( ) Done something w/ a friends bf/gf (x) Done something with a friends sibling (x) Committed a major crime (x) Dated someone older than you are (x) Dated someone younger than you are (x) Gotten in trouble w/ the cops ( ) Run away ( ) Ever given someone a hicky ( ) Ever gotten a hicky (x) Ever got super drunk (x) Went skinny dipping (X) Lied about where you're going (X) Ever lied about your age (x) Ever been pantsed ( ) Had mono. ( ) taken a shower with a member of the opposite sex (x) had sex for more than 2 hours.
Why on earth did I end up back here? What the fuck is keeping me here? Maybe I really do need to get away from here. I don't know what it is but even compared to the lifestyle in New Orleans, it just seems like stuff here is not right and probabaly just as corrupt as New Orleans. I've been living pretty good thought minus the lack of parties. All I do is play basketball and go to the gyms. Drink some spirits here and there and am kicking it always. For some reason I feel really depressed right now. Something is missing in my life. Well actually it's not even that, everything is missing from my life. Sure I have my friends, my body, and my money, but if that's all I wanted in life I'd be a pretty selfish motherfucker. I'm just waiting for something more in my life. I feel like I'm in ground-hogs day. It just seems like everything is played out even though times are changing. Other things are bothering me too. Stuff about myself that I never realized and now feel kind of bad about myself. It's all good. In a year I will be well on my way to a different place to see if I can find hapiness there. Hopefully I can find it here in the meantime however.